Saturday, May 7, 2016

Why hurt someone whose only intention was to make you happy?

Thanks to Facebook, where this phrase made a sudden appearance a few days back, I was able to put words around a conundrum which I was struggling with for some time. In hindsight, it looks so simple that I can't stop questioning my verbal ability (which I should still do because it was [Ctrl + C, Ctrl +V] that did the trick, not my verbal ability). What increased the impact manifold was the adjoining picture ... somewhere deep inside, it touched a raw nerve. Isn't it the same set of people, at this particular age, whom we hurt the most, when there only intention is to make you happy? To make it simpler for us, we may want to avoid questioning their intentions - after all, do we like being in those shoes (being questioned on our intentions, that is)?

Now that I have articulated the puzzle, well, so I believe, the mind has started wandering in search of the elusive solution. It just needs a reason to ruminate, isn't it? As if it gets free air miles for wandering here, there, everywhere, huh? Coming back, there indeed can be multiple reactions or reasons ... trying to quote a few that spring to my mind this lazy Saturday afternoon:

œ You have your own definition of happiness, and you don't want to accept any other. At times, you may even find the other person's definition ridiculous and laughable. But, does it give you the liberty to have fun at someone's expense? And I don't even want to bring in the "freedom of expression" gobbledygook. That one so needs to be compromised at times, for some relationships, for certain people you need to care for. More importantly, does it take too much to change track once in a while, and try to appear genuine about it? At least in front of that person, if not behind the back? Look around and you will see people doing that for you.

œ No matter what that person does, even to an extent of trying to change his / her old behavior to follow your way of doing things, just to have that genuine smile on our face, you won't relent? Why? Is it because of your ego? Or an act of self aggrandizement?

œ You just love seeing the other person suffer. A tit for tat for some past behavior, which you are not able to forget, worse still, you don't want to forget. I fail to understand how can one go down that path of thinking even for someone who is in the twilight of life. My attention goes to that childhood learning from mommy dear where she always advised against this kind of behavior. And lead by example she did - no matter what people around did to her, I don't remember even a single instance when she would have agreed to a tit for tat, however practical it may sound to certain folks. My dear questioning pragmatists, please calm down!

œ Your priorities have changed. Isn't this the favorite of our generation? Well, lack of time is an oft repeated reason now-a-days. For some it is an easy excuse, for some it is genuine. This one is best portrayed by this old Idea Cellular advertisement. Simple articulation (unlike mine), great message, amazing impact, basic emotions! 

œ If someone is truly trying to make you happy, and you can't accept it, just because you are in denial that you need help to be happy. Narcissism is the only word that comes to my mind. Your focus is on self, and you can not think beyond. In summary, you don't care!!

There is of course no easy answer here. And there can be numerous interpretations. But bottom line, if I am allowed to draw one, is that there are more people trying to take your happiness away from you. If there are a few whose intention is to just make you happy, don't question that. For all you know, that is the only thing left for them in their lives.

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