Of humility and humiliation

Just read about someone who has decided to move on in life. So, what's new in that? So many people decide to do that every day. What was interesting were the reasons that person chose and the kind of adjectives that were used. Again, nothing new in that. But that piece of megalomaniacal gibberish coming from the loudmouth made me think, and think, and think.

For such people, it has become so easy to just move on in life, in the process distancing oneself from the ownership of the results of one's actions. A genuine concern shown by a genuine well-wisher feels unreal. In fact, the concern feels real till the time it doesn't pose some uncomfortable questions. Beyond that, it is all downhill. This is not because the concern is fake; it is because the nincompoop doesn't deserve to be shown such a concern. His inflated ego stops him from distinguishing between real and fake. Such a person can not think beyond self and takes on the mistaken identity of being unassuming and modest. This, when he has not achieved anything remarkable in his own life. Whatever he has, is either much more than what is deserved or much before when it is due. And of course, in a few cases, achieved through not-so-appropriate means. The humble background is conveniently forgotten and the person shamelessly basks in the self-proclaimed glory brought by materialistic possessions, bereft of the realization that this self-aggrandizement is nothing but a mask put on his pusillanimity.

Incorrigible narcissists like these are so infatuated with themselves and their own well-being that they just forget looking at an issue from the other person's point of view. They are so self-centered that irrespective of what the people around them feel, they just move on in life, without understanding that the sense of happiness and contentment they display is so fake. It is unsustainable and weak because its foundation is built on a debris of the trampled feelings of others. The indifference shown for the well being of others is termed as modern way of thinking and is repeatedly justified by calling it "independence of thoughts". They have this false sense of superiority which they carry around with an equally unrealistic attitude. It becomes all the more laughable when this is based on half-baked, half-cooked experiences. No wonder it is said that incomplete knowledge is more dangerous than no knowledge. The kind of analogies they bring in their conversations are devoid of logic and reasoning, and are merely avoidable intrusions that reflect nothing but stupidity and inexperience.

Rather than being thankful to Him by being responsive and responsible to the people around, the only feeling such incorrigible narcissists and intruding nincompoops have about the folks around is pity, when the same feeling is better suitable to be had for them, not by them. Humility shown in front of such people will always result in only one thing - humiliation.

Now that it is five years ...

If wishes were flying horses, I would have been on the moon by now. But in reality, wishes are what they are - wishes! When one is given a license to write about them, the license is used in totality. And of course, anything and everything when used without control stands a chance of getting into the realm of dreams, out of the purview of reality. Yes, probably I have learnt some thing from the infallible realists around me.

Well, now that we have spent five years together, the reality of many of the experiences of the first meeting I shared earlier have seen the light of the day. Still, those special moments remain special. One can not dilute the feeling (or shall I say "should not") by any means, be it due to the efforts put by the infallible realists, the questioning pragmatists or the inexperienced intruding nincompoops. Reality check or not, the wish I began with, of living those moments with her once again, stands firm.

And the reality check begins ...

That doubled heart-beat while waiting for her was then in anticipation of a lot of things relevant for that occasion; the doubled heart-beat today is in anticipation of a lot of things relevant after five years. What will be the next topic for fighting? When will the next shopping list come out? When will the next uncomfortable question be popped? When will we go to the much awaited vacation? Get the hang?

That bewildered cum astonished expression on her face had nothing to do with punctuality. It was probably much beyond just bewilderment. I was successful in giving her a reason which she uses to pull my leg even today ... the way I was standing on the footpath, leaning against the wall, with one leg pulled upwards resting at a right angle to the wall, looking at people (read "girls") coming and going, checking the time every now and then, would have reminded her of some other "professional".

That feeling of discomfort when she looked at me from top to bottom was not going to be the first time. I can bet it can happen so easily even today. The "top-to-bottom" movement of her eyes was the next step to the astonishment experienced earlier. She was probably finding it too difficult to fathom how one particular color of clothing was going well with the other. She was trying to figure out the relevance of the phrase on the t-shirt. Most importantly, she was trying to find how was that an appropriate attire for the occasion?

That gentle movement of her knee-length hair is now a thing of past. They have been cut short to half the length, and of course the absence of hair on my own head has increased doubly fast. No prizes for guessing the right reason ...

That soft and gentle "sorry" was definitely not for the accidental touching of hands. It was her way to set the expectations right ... set her expectations from me right! By the way, was that the last soft and gentle "sorry" I heard for a long time to come?

That desire of getting lost in the expressive eyes surfaces only if they try to express what they did that day, or what I felt they did that day. And hence, the desire continues to be in the dream world. Come on, love at first sight can not happen twice.

That looking at each other for more than 3 seconds continuously was then for the first time for me. I had not done that even once before that day, and I better dare not do that even once after that day. I am still repenting for doing it the first time ...

That "no" for eating anything was not because I did anything wrong. It was simply a lack of matching interest in the f-word - "food". That should have been a lesson well learnt that it is not something that equally excites everyone in the world. So, there is no need to attach the "no" with anything else. But, not all four-letter words (for example "food") are bad, aren't they?

That slight giggle while I was placing the order was not because I stammered. It was because I mispronounced a word and used another word in the sentence inappropriately. Oh God! Was that my first lesson in understanding the importance of "communication"? Wonder how do people having no knowledge of each other's language manage? To this, somebody pointed out that famous saying about there being a will and a way. Apt!

That sudden blush was not because she found my ears funny ... it was because of an unexpected intrusion in our meeting. And by the way, if not ears, she does find the body parts between my ears funny. Most definitely the internal one that lies on the line of least distance drawn between the two, and as per her own admission, the external one, that lies on the line connecting the two towards the front of the face.

When will we learn our lessons?

Courtesy of jscreationzs
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Comparing our life-styles and thought processes with that of the western world is more of a daily affair for many of us. However, three specific incidents in the last few days have made me think about this much more than I used to do earlier. Not exactly "out-of-the-world" incidents, but definitely ones that prick you in a wrong direction. These were occasions when I observed people around me trying to do exactly the same things what the western world would have been fond of doing a few decades back. Same aspects of life where they would have experienced pain, learnt their lessons, incorporated changes, and moved along. Like many cyclical things in life, they have crossed the "peak" of the curve and are seeing the downtrend, like the red one on the right, and we, as starters on the trajectory have just started climbing the curve upwards, like the green one. We are living in interesting times when the two curves are meeting, and probably conflicting with each other, very frequently.

On the first occasion, I was interacting with a colleague of mine who was perfoming the role of a client representative on the one hand, and coordinating with my team on the deliverables on the other hand. More importantly, he was at least a few time zones behind us. When we were deciding the time for our daily catch up calls, my Indian colleague said - "Peter, I am fine with the daily update call any time till 10:30 PM IST." To this, Peter replied - "That's not done! Please suggest a more suitable time. I do NOT want you to compromise with your family time. This project is not more important than our families." And no, the project was not an insignifcant one ... we were discussing a deal with huge potential earnings. So here we are ... trying to be more "professional" and "flexible", trying to show others that we are so "committed" to the client, probably trying to go one step beyond what many of us have seen the same people on the other side of the wall do for so many years. Now that they have realized, or let me say some of them have realized, the importance of work-life balance and the need to know where to draw the line, we are trying to catch up with their older avatars.

Another occasion, another country, same experience. We were having a teleconference meeting with a colleague managing a global leadership role. There were participants from at least four other countries, from four different time zones. Right in the middle of the meeting, this colleague announced that she was walking out of the meeting for 15 minutes. The reason - she had to pick up her kid from the school bus. I am sure we will think twice before doing this. In our part of the world, this probably would be called unprofesional and not being serious about the job. Folks around will say, or so we believe, that we do not go the extra mile and that we are not ambitious. How many organizations around us accept "taking the kid out for a dental checkup" as a valid reason to skip a meeting? Of course, before we label this colleague with one of these adjectives, I would like to point out that she ensured her absence does not take the meeting off the agenda.

One last incident ... this happened last week, or shall I say weekend. In spite of trying to ensure that all the deliverables are in place well before time, all of us would vouch for the fact that on some occasions, especially in short duration projects, we need to stretch, probably getting into the weekend. When this became inevitable last Friday, the senior manager from yet another country, had to build one big story around why this has become necessary, and that it was in nobody's hands. He actually apologized while requesting all the team members to work on the weekend. He even thanked the entire team (and the families) for the weekend efforts in the concluding mail after the project got over. I can not imagine this thought process being replicated here ... it will be "expected" from you to work on weekend. It is an unwritten rule and an integral part of being professional, right?

Courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If we learn these "best practices" from them, why not learn the "true" best practices after they have been refined by their experience over the years? Are we waiting for the "peak" of the curve to arrive before going downwards, or can we try our bit to reach a lower peak and avoid the fall steep? Is joining the rat race the only option available to us? Why is adding the number of zeroes one of the most important objectives of our lives ... why not adding an equal number of smiles a part of that list? Is being professional a more important goal to achieve than being human?

Writing Prompt - "I wish I had one more chance to ..."

After having a wonderful experience of responding to writing prompt no. 4 being hosted by Preeti Shenoy, I could not stop myself from taking it up once again this week. It is a great experience to see how different people think differently about such commonly used phrases.

The prompt this week is "I wish I had one more chance to ...". And here we go ...

I wish I had one more chance to live the moments when I met her for the first time.

Like it happens with many of us, I have also gone through the process of Googling to find my life partner. This too was one of those meetings when both of us decided to meet and to know each other better, where else but at Cafe Coffee Day.

[As a side thought, I wonder why does CCD not get into a joint venture or launch a co-branded credit card with the matrimonial portals. I am sure there are many would-be (and could-have-been) couples who visit CCD for this purpose multiple times, with the same or a different companion, and will feel obliged (pun intended) if they save some money (and earn some loyalty points / cash back) in case their repeated attempts fail. After all, there is something positive in everything.]

Anyways, a lot happened over coffee that day that I wish I experience once again! I wish I had one more chance ...

... to once again experience the almost doubled heart-beat in anticipation - in anticipation of meeting her for the first time and finding out how does she talk, how does she smile, how does she look in flesh and blood (as against those photo shopped pictures shared as a part of the customized proposal package), and of course wondering if she is the one?

... to once again see that bewildered cum astonished expression on her face - when she saw me waiting for her ... wasn't it too early for her to know the importance I give to punctuality?

... to once again experience the feeling of discomfort - when every time she looked at me from top to bottom - was she checking whether all my limbs are in the right place, in the right shape and of right size?

... to once again look at the gentle movement of her knee-long hair - while walking towards the cafe, from left to right, left to right ... or was I probably thinking that this will supplement my lack of hair on the head?

... to once again hear that soft and gentle "sorry" - when her hands accidentally touched mine while opening the door of the cafe - wonder if it was actually an accident?

... to once again get lost in her expressive eyes - do I want to bet that the beautiful eyes were expressing love at first sight?

... to once again get mesmerized by her intoxicating smile ... when we looked at each other continuously for more than 3 seconds for the first time - what an experience? I had never done that before. 

... to once again get the feeling in my heart when she said a "NO" for eating anything - did I do anything wrong? 

... to once again let the heart sink on knowing she doesn't like tea - and, there go my romantic dreams of having a cup of steaming tea, sitting in the balcony, enjoying the cool breeze (ok, not so romantic for all you beer guzzlers)

... to once again feel uncomfortable when she slightly giggled while I was placing the order - well, this was bound to happen when you stammer in front of her 

... to once again be a witness to her sudden blushing while looking right next to my eyes - did she find my ears funny? too big? too small?

I wish I had one more chance to live all these moments ... to once again meet her for the first time!!

P.S. Keeping in mind the result from last week (hurray!!!! and thanks to Preeti once again), I would like to take myself out of the contest this time. This post is just to experience being a part of the exercise once again.

New Year driving resolutions

Image courtesy of FrameAngel / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know I am already late in penning down my driving resolutions for 2013, what with 725 km already covered on the wheels (25 out of these on 3 wheels because of the potholes), around 35 liters of subsidized diesel already up in smoke (does that fuel average indicate "Regular maintenance of my car" should be there in my list?) and the monkey on my desktop calendar pointing his finger towards the 11th day of the year with a stupid grin on his face. But thanks to my boss (yes, being "thankful" to the boss is a nice New Year resolution to have), I am right on time in breaking one of the resolutions. Not too early, or too late, depending upon your own track record ... 

Here we go with what I intend to do, or not do, on the roads this year ...

Do not overtake from left:

On the roads where the heaviest and the slowest moving vehicles always take the right-most lane, where the cyclists and pedestrians refuse to use the lanes so lovingly carved out by the government exclusively for them, and where the big public transport monster always crosses you when you are sure even a dog can not pass through the gap, it comes as a culture shock for somebody like my father, who has always diligently followed all the traffic rules, to even think of overtaking from the left. His agony multiplies a 100 times when the offender is you, and you get "that" stare (you know what I mean) back from him. So, the next time when Chunnu Munnu De Papa Kee Gaddi, with those steel rods hanging ominously half-way out of the truck, is trudging along in the fast-lane, you, with your Papa in the car, decide not to overtake from the left, and wait for the truck driver to let you go from the right, when the opportunity comes. When that opportunity doesn't come for the next 1.5 kms, and it is already time for your Papa to see Arnab asking nation's questions to the hapless whatevers, you get a gentle nudge from your left side to break the rule. Phew! What 30 years of nagging by his better half could not do has been accomplished in a day by Chunnu Munnu's Papa.

Image courtesy of Naypong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Be polite and gentle towards the "lesser mortals" on the road:

Well, this doesn't come easily to someone who has always seen motorists considering the roads as their own property, and refusing to share the ownership with anyone else, least of all the lesser mortals like pedestrians or the law abiding citizens. But this all changed, when I went to another country a few days back and observed the kind of respect these lesser mortals get in a country which may be the size of my city, when I count the number of people, and the size of my company, when I count the number of registered vehicles in the country. And mind you, I am not even talking about a typical developed country - I believe their GDP will be the sum total of the annual CTCs of all the readers of this blog put together.

One fine morning, we were cruising at around 90 kmph and discussing about the latest scandal in which a senior minister was involved (well, not all things in that country are different). To my horror, my cab driver suddenly applied the brakes, waived gently at a pedestrian standing calmly on the foot path, and requested him to cross the road before he could even put his foot back on the accelerator. Similarly, I was taken aback when he gently blew his horn to acknowledge the other driver for letting him take a U-turn (and NOT for "shouting" at him - the purpose we usually use the horn for). Almost unheard of in our part of the world. It brought me to tears, and I felt like kicking myself black and blue, recalling the kind of atrocities the pedestrians back home have to face because of drivers like me. When I shared the reason of my uneasiness with the cab driver (of course, on being asked), he was astonished to hear that the first right to walk on the road in our country doesn't belong to the poor pedestrian!

Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do not start ignition before the red light changes to amber:

With the amber signal almost becoming non-existent in my city (even if they are present, they are sparingly followed or used because the signal changes from red directly to green), I am sure many of the motorists around would have experienced this. You are standing first in the queue on a red signal. As soon as the timer starts inching towards 10s, and you do not show any inclination to make a move forward, even a tenth of a mm, the rest of the motorists, with far more urgent work than you have, will start honking. It starts with a small sound some 150m behind you, and becomes a cacophony in 2s. And it will reach a crescendo even before the timer has crawled to 5s. Do they feel you are actually enjoying a picnic standing first in that queue? I some times feel like getting down from my car, and sitting right there in front of the queue, refusing to budge till the signal turns red once again.

Do not stare back:

Don't worry, I am still sticking with my driving resolutions, and am not copying the third bullet point from my answer to the question "How to make your spouse happy?" Not staring back at the traffic offender is something I learnt the hard way while driving to my kid's school a few days back. A typical case of a stupid driver (it is never our mistake, is it?) overtaking from the wrong side, giving me a mouthful when it was he who almost added one more dent on my already bruised 7-year old car. As usual, I stared back at the bike driver, all ready with my retorts, having no idea that he was wearing a familiar looking head band, the pillion rider was holding a big flag with a ferocious looking animal on it - I bet I am not challenging you to identify their political affiliations - accompanied with 10 more samples, I mean drivers, behind him. The rest, as they say, is not worth mentioning. Well, to make it sound more agreeable to my ego, it was the kid's first ever stage appearance in the school, and I had to just move ahead, "humbled" by the experience.

P.S.: And did I say, all this happened, with a police van standing right in front of me!!

Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Change response to high-beam users:

Even if my father would have always followed the traffic rule-book, this is one thing I have seen him doing very frequently. If the driver coming in your direction does not understand that high beam is not supposed to be used on city roads, and goes ahead to irritate you further when he fails to understand your request for a dipper, my superman decides to take the matter in his own hands, takes his car to the center of the road, and stops. He refuses to budge till the time some niceties have been exchanged and the other version of superman in front of me has learnt the biggest lesson on driving (and some more on you know what), and agrees to switch from high beam to a dipper. Needless to say, after trying to be a true inheritor of his bravado on a few occasions, I have decided not to venture further. I will probably add the high-beam users to the list of lesser mortals I mentioned earlier, and be polite and gentle towards them, and also do my best not to stare back at them. See it all finally comes together ...

Do not talk or text while driving:

Yes, this is nothing new, and hence, I don't get any marks for creativity here. But doesn't this appear on the resolutions list of all the drivers even today? Like all other resolutions, we have found our ways out of this guilt year-on-year. Just that, every year, the sentence gets suffixed (or prefixed) with a new phrase. Or it gets modified with words like using hands-free, listening to music on the iPod (this one comes from my spouse) and so on. We refuse to accept that we can ever be a party to an accident scene involving ourselves. We keep on having this as a resolution every year, because we break it for some avoidable reason or silly excuse as soon as it appears in our current list. And this is the reason, why this will appear in my driving resolutions list for 2014 as well. But when it is appraisal time, and your boss's name flashes on the screen, you can not NOT pick up the phone, more so when you have decided to honor your company's HR policy on flexible timing and sneaked out of the office a full 2 hours before the scheduled time.